By Kabelo Mollo
Happiness is…
The question I’m asked most frequently these days is “should we consult our tailors?” And various different iterations of that. I get it too. This is the first time in the social media era I have been so public (ha!) With the object of my affections.
Indeed, this is the first time I have referred to a girl as “my girlfriend” as has been pointed out by one too many an elder. Previously girls I was seeing were referred to as “my goose” or rather more glibly “the skippas I’m dating”. None of these are declarations of affection, nor confirmations of real romance. Both were aimed at obfuscation. Answer the question, without saying anything really.
Obfuscation is an under rated skill, one which I really wish more politicians would make use of rather than telling us flat out lies, but I digress. I had never committed in real terms to those ladies and dare I say, it showed. My inability to commit fully to the relationship was always the pink elephant in the room.
Relationships are really tough I thought to myself. I had even managed to convince myself that I wasn’t cut out for them. All the while my friends were taking a knee, requesting the state, the higher power and friends and family to support their relationships. Everywhere I went I was being reminded to run my own race at my own pace, but also feeling the immense pressure of those around me getting on with the business of adulting.
I had become an expert in throwing a bachelor party. Good time guy, getting all his mates hitched, that’s what I’d convinced myself I was. There were a couple of weird things happening though. One was that I had a crush I just could not get over whatever I did, the other was that I was dating anybody who showed any kind of interest in me. Even girls who I knew for a fact were not suited to me. It was a form of desperation as a result of the pressure that was building up around me.
I remember February 2018 after parting ways with a lovely young lady who I wasn’t suited to, thinking to myself, I have to change tack here. I can’t carry on along this route. So I did. First order of business, dealing with the crush. I finally managed to tackle this issue head on. With some external assistance I managed to get it out of my head that I was doing anything other than wasting my time holding on to hope that there was potential for love there.
The second thing I did was to face up to the cynical notion that any girl you told you loved would somehow use that to “dribble you” as the kids these days will have it. I had to stop being a victim of my own silly ideas and start living in the world with everybody else. I knew I needed time to really believe in this new path. I knew I would need some experience at it too. As luck would have it, I started seeing someone around that time. I was trying throughout that period to behave like someone in a relationship. I was trying to communicate well, be supportive and to compromise. I was likely failing in all those areas. It just wasn’t a fit, and I wasn’t invested in it as much as I needed to be. I had an exit clause for myself. That said, the seed had been planted. I was now aware of the skills set that would be required for a real relationship.
One random night at Cuban Linx (a quasi-nightclub in Maseru) I found myself dancing with a stunning girl. A girl I had met previously but hadn’t had the privilege of getting to know. We danced and drank shots. The combination of the two fuelling my otherwise very real fear of rejection (Gwababa). From that first interaction alone I knew I needed to put my best foot forward with this young lady. I spoke to her every day. Initially just getting to know her but with the intention of ultimately dating her. She tells me she didn’t know whether I just wanted to be friends with her or whether I had some other sinister boyish motives. Fortunately, I managed to convince her I was well intentioned and she acquiesced to my advances.
In the past I wouldn’t even have written a post like this out of fear of “jinxing” a good thing. Now, a couple of days shy of our four month anniversary officially speaking (we’ve actually been together closer to six and a half months) I am writing this with glee as well as comfort. Comfort that this great partnership I find myself in won’t simply be jinxed because I’ve declared my happiness!
You guys should have said earlier that this whole relationship thing is this awesome! Jeez…
